ext_108187 (
yaoiandpocky.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
dripping_cherry
2006-04-02 07:35 pm (UTC)
no subject
This is good. I'm enjoying it, and like the pace you've set.
But your first two chapters seem more polished than the third. Were you in a hurry, or didn't have it betaed? Just a few errors that I noticed:
“Because of he brought Death Eaters
Omit "of."
“But have these people don’t even know him,”
Half.
this is not the only I’m writing to you.
You left out "reason."
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no subject
But your first two chapters seem more polished than the third. Were you in a hurry, or didn't have it betaed? Just a few errors that I noticed:
“Because of he brought Death Eaters
Omit "of."
“But have these people don’t even know him,”
Half.
this is not the only I’m writing to you.
You left out "reason."